


Like Her

by annsabine



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Sad, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annsabine/pseuds/annsabine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra sighed.  Since the event’s at Adamant fortress, since they had left Hawke in the fade, Varric had been different....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Her

It was cool on the battlements and the wind was brisk.  This must be why Cullen wore that silly bearskin around his shoulders, Cassandra thought. Perhaps it would have been better to go through the main hall, but there was that one Orlesian with that gold mask.  She could never tell if he was staring at her or not...

A shuffling sound reached Cassandra’s ears and she stopped. “Who’s there?” she asked the shadows by the tower wall.

“Don’t stab me Seeker, it’s just... you know... Me,” said a voice she knew well.

“Varric.  What are you doing lurking up here?”

“Psh... lurking. If I was really lurking... If I was... Nobody would know. I’m like the night... when I’m lurking,” Varric drawled.

“You’re drunk.” Cassandra’s eyes narrowed. 

“Shit yeah I am. Who cares.”

Cassandra sighed.  Since the event’s at Adamant fortress, since they had left Hawke in the fade, Varric had been different.  

He had stopped smiling. He had stopped teasing, and he had… well he had changed. 

Bull and Sera had tried to joke him out of it.  The Inquisitor had tried to hug him out of it, but nothing anyone did could lift the cloud that hung over their friend.

There had been nothing she could do. He would not speak to her.  She had tried to talk, tried to let him know she was available and that the... whatever it was... that had begun to grow between them was still there. She had thought he needed time. Had tried to give it, though she hurt and she missed his smile.

“We care Varric. We all care.” Cassandra stepped towards the shadowy corner.

“Who’s we?” came the gruff reply.

“The Inquisitor, Bull... all of us…. Me.”

“Shit Seeker, you're a bad liar,” Varric scoffed.

“I do not lie.” Cassandra was offended, but tried to remember that he was drunk, and in pain. “I care that you are hurting. You are my friend, are you not? And you’re my....”

“Stop.  Just stop, because if you... If you’re nice to me tonight... I can’t... you’re too much like her Cass... you... I can’t even look at you....”

Cassandra stepped back. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck... don’t apologize.... “ Varric stepped from the shadows. “Look. I’m really drunk. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“You can’t look at me?” Cassandra’s voice was low and sad. “Because I remind you of Hawke?”

“No... well... yeah.  You are nothing like her. Well the hair a bit, and you’re tall, but you all look tall to me.  It’s just that… Fuck.” Varric leaned against the stone wall. “Can I tell you a story?” he asked.

Cassandra’s lips twisted up at the edges, just a little, because he had not told a story in weeks. Not to any of them. “Of course.” She leaned beside him against the wall.

“There was this one night, in Kirkwall... It was before Hawke moved to Hightown, and she was living with her creep of an uncle in a shitty house... so she never really wanted to go home.  

She would stay at the Hanged Man. In a room if she had the coin, but if she didn’t, she would stay with me.  I had a couch, and sometimes we shared the bed, because I was usually up late writing, and who cares, she was a friend who needed a place to crash.

But this one night... she was upset, and she must have... I don’t know, she must have wanted to be close to someone.... We were drunk, and it was easy enough to just to fall into bed together.  It shouldn’t have mattered, and it was just the one time... but it... fuck. Why am I telling you this?  

It made it harder Seeker... to leave her there. It made it harder.”

Cassandra had listened, feeling herself tense at the thought of Varric and Hawke together. Feeling herself burn a little, jealous of a dead woman.

“Just that one night…. we were just friends Cass.  We weren’t in love... I didn't love Hawke like that… But when I look at you... and I feel… what the hell am I saying?”

“Varric...” Cassandra started to speak. 

“When I look at you, and I feel the way you make me feel... I think of how fucking hard it is going to be when you... Shit I can’t do this again. I can’t. I didn’t love her and it hurt that bad. What the hell will I do if... “

Cassandra reached out a tentative hand to him. “Varric. Look at me.”

He looked at her, and even in the dark, with red swollen eyes, and no joy left in his face, she loved him.

He must have seen it, because he wept in her arms. He let the loss of his friend pour out in tears that wet her shirt.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been so....” He spoke after the last tears were shed.

“It’s alright. I’m here,” she said, and he knew she was, for now.

 


End file.
